The Compass

The Compass treats FROG, HAVENS, GRACE, VOICE, and FIRE as domains of relational cultivation. It is meant to deepen reflection, conversation, and repair rather than assign fixed identity labels.

Orientation

Use the framework for context first, the quiz for reflective orientation, compatibility mode for pair mapping, and the deck for slower conversation practice.

Take the Compass Quiz Open compatibility mode Open Prompt Deck

Framework map

Read the pillars as living domains.

Foundations of Life Context

FROG

The environments, patterns, and drives that shape one’s way of being.

20 linked prompt starters

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Emotional Sanctuary & Relational Safety

HAVENS

Love as refuge: attunement, ritual, togetherness, and safe sensual closeness.

17 linked prompt starters

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Relational Nourishment

GRACE

Love as nourishment through presence, acceptance, gratitude, affection, and allowing.

12 linked prompt starters

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Compassionate Communication & Conflict Clarity

VOICE

The shared breath of understanding: from rupture to repair.

14 linked prompt starters

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Erotic Courage & Differentiated Intimacy

FIRE

A conscious relationship with desire, rooted in sovereignty and inner calm.

14 linked prompt starters

Read this pillar Open in the deck

Compatibility mode

Bring two reflections into the same frame.

Compatibility mode maps alignment zones, growth edges, likely tensions, and repair invitations. It does not produce a verdict or a match score.

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Black Pillar

Gottman Failure Signals

A repair-oriented shadow diagnostics layer for noticing relational failure patterns without turning them into identity labels.

This lens highlights communication strain patterns associated with relational erosion. It is educational and hopeful: patterns can be noticed, interrupted, and repaired.

Present these signals as areas for awareness and repair, not moral judgment.
Use elevated signals to invite support, accountability, and calmer relational practice.
Never treat black-pillar output as destiny, diagnosis, or a compatibility verdict.

Signals for repair

What the shadow layer watches.

Criticism

Attacking a partner’s character instead of naming a specific behavior and need.

Antidote: Gentle startup: describe concrete behavior, name impact, and ask for one actionable change.

Contempt

Communication marked by disrespect, mockery, superiority, or eye-rolling.

Antidote: Build respect and appreciation through daily acknowledgement of effort and value.

Defensiveness

Self-protection through counterattack, excuse, or denial instead of ownership.

Antidote: Take partial responsibility and validate the other person’s reality.

Stonewalling

Shutting down, withdrawing, or becoming unavailable when overwhelmed.

Antidote: Physiological self-soothing with clear re-entry timing.